May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
