I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
