and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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