my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
