You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize