If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
