maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
