I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
