my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
We need to feng shui this bitch.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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