Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize