Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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