All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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