I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
