Little spoons don't ask big questions
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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