I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
