Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
