we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize