when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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