Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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