I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You need Xanax blowdarts
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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