Just mADE A PArabola og urine
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
