You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
