i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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