i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize