Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
