Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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