it wasn't lemon gatorade
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
