My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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