..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
