Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
