i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
