I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
