Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
