help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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