So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
