i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
