well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
