feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
