I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
