he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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