this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My vagina just clenched in fear
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize