I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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