Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
