don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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