Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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