Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
