Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
