DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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