I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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