And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
