so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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