her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
