sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
