I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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