Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
