I'm really into asian looking animals
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
