just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
