She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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