no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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