he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
