You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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