Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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