as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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