I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
