i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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