im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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