MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
