I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I look better un-naked...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
