I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The best revenge is premature balding
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
