I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
