I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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