dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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