i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
