Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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