i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
