my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
