tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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