I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
