Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
