you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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