is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
