I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
