so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
