Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
