I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
