I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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