Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
