watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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