My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
