i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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