How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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