if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
