"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
