I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
