are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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