I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
