My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
