I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Randomize