just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
