would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
