he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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